i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
