you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
