Non-Jews are for practice
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
