A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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