physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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