The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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