Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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