It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
