so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
