I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
