I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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