i barfeds in our rink
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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