dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
