My first STD was from a foam party
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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