ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
