I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize