dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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