So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
