my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
