its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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