I just saw a hot homeless man
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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