I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Rumble strips road head = magical
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
