Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
