My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
