just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
