So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize