i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
