I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
