I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
