Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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