U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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