I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
