It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she was so not down for the gang bang
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
