the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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