If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
