All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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