I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My life is pants optional.
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