I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
