Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
