I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
