As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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