well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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