I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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