I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
