porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
