they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
