In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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