Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
