you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
