and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
