Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize