woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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