So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
