Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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