you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize