I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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