Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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