If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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