No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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