i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's a Shit stain on my heart
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They took my balls.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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