You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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