Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
