i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
