you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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