i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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