Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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