You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
