I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
