he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
