I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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