someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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