At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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